I had plans for this year. Just like I’m sure we all did. My workshops were going to grow, there was a target that I’d set for myself. Admittedly it was quite big, but definitely achievable.

I had planned on consistency at the gym. On growing my MixTasteEat business in a direction that took a 180 degree turn when March decided to tip 2020 upside down and shake it like a 5 year old trying to get that last coin out of their piggy bank.

FYI – it wouldn’t come out. So March took to it with a hammer and left it in little shards all over the floor. That’s what this year has felt like.

While I’d love to sit and write that I just adjusted my targets, rolled my sleeves up and got to work on changing my business plans to suit the change that happened in the world, I can’t. I was overwhelmingly stalled. I lost all my hours at my retail job, was still studying at Uni while helping my two kids adjust to life permanently at home with school now on my kitchen table rather than in a classroom. My Thermomix Business has gone completely nuts because suddenly everyone is home cooking and wanting one, which is great, but less head clearing for me.

I started walking around in this fog that I couldn’t see through. There was no light and no end to it. How could I adjust my business plans and roll with the times when I struggle to even wake before 8am and get on with the day? I suppose there was this moment of grief that happened, with so much change so quickly and no way to fully grasp it.

So I slogged through. My studies took a dive I’m still reeling over. My kids have watched nearly every movie on Netflix, Stan, and Disney+ there is, I’m sure they’ve seen some twice now. I did not roll with the times, adjust my dreams and build an empire while in isolation. I survived.

And that, my friends, is okay.

I’ve spent more time on the phone than ever before (and that’s saying something), seeking connections between friends and family. I’ve FaceTimed my sister almost everyday, us lamenting together over having the kids home. I planted in my beautiful vegetable garden that Hubby built, knowing that if I can’t use this time to grow myself, I can at least grow something for my family. I’ve practiced Yoga almost everyday, seeking calm for the raging storm in my head.

I’ve worried more about finances these past few months than ever, and while I know that worrying never fixed anything, it certainly didn’t stop me.

My daughter has learned to ride her bike without trainers. My son is nose deep in the first Harry Potter book and loving it. I’ve snuggled with the kids in front of the TV like I did when they were pre-school age and soaked up their warmth and love. We’ve baked and drawn and fought and cuddled and gotten through the days where we’re safe at home while being stuck at home.

I’m still reeling from the change. I still don’t have any hours at work and while Thermomix is busy I still find myself lost with the growing mountain of things I could be doing but can’t seem to force myself to get there. There are books I’d like to be reading, short courses I’d like to finish and sleep I’m missing out on, but this is life right now. We got through yesterday and tomorrow isn’t too far away. Change has happened, so this adjustment period can just be over and done with now so we can move on and see what life will be like now, right?

Right?